Ever since I’ve been instructing the Wim Hof Method, I’ve been using it to upgrade all kinds of facets of daily life.
One of my favorites is to use breathwork to elevate the sexual experience. I’ve found that the state of mind (or absence of mind, since WHM breathing brings the frequency of your prefrontal cortex down from beta to alpha— close to that of meditation) in combination with the extra energy created in your cells for longer stamina, and the activation of primordial powers from our lizard brain, can make for some serious fireworks.
Holding my spouse by the chest while sitting behind her against some pillows, and doing 3 or 4 rounds of breathing, requires that you are both on the same team. I’ve found that this is a unique and tender way to align with your partner. Just taking time to powerfully slow down and shut up is seriously important. Since women require foreplay of at least 3 hours (some say up to 24 hours) while a man can do the job and be fast asleep in 3 minutes flat, we need all the tools we can find to bridge the genders.
Speaking of bridging: my WHM practice also trains my Mula Bandha. Each time I squeeze the tube of toothpaste in the second retention of a breath cycle. In Taoist (and Tantric) lovemaking practices this is referred to as ‘bridging’. One of the most important muscles to train for a good sex life is this Mula Bandha or perineum muscle.
Another key aspect in uniting the sexes is the interesting way in which hormones function differently in men and women. Men need testosterone to deal with stress, while women need oxytocin. So we are indeed very different.
The hormones racing through our bodies are always balancing each other out. By getting rid of the stressors you make space for your anti-stress hormones. We both need to reduce stressors (adrenaline, cortisol), and there are specific breathwork exercises for each. Men need to do testosterone boosting exercises— breathe holds with push-ups; go deeper longer, stronger; use big muscle groups like in horse stance. Women need oxytocin enhancing exercises— soft, caring, nurturing breathwork with nice music and yoga, relaxing scents. In short, women need to care, be taken care of or take care of themselves to feel super at ease and be ready for sex. Men need a project, a problem to fix— a soccer game to watch or a purposeful fight to peak, and relax after. This way we can meet as two very opposite poles in relaxation (parasympathetic nervous system activated = sex can happen (rest and digest, feed and breed).
Another thing breathing helped me to do is slow down. If you get in heat, and keep going, it is very likely you’ll orgasm if you go beyond 80% of excitement. If you stop each time you are there, and don’t go over the edge, you are able to get to much higher states of orgasmic joy. At each ‘plateau’ you stop at 80%, do a breather, and start over. You don’t start again from 0; you have a higher base to launch from, which gets you higher. Plus: more feeling over your body is more control over your equipment!
Don’t even get me started on ice baths in relation to better sex and children named after Wim. There are numerous accounts of people who had given up hope of bearing children, that got pregnant after a week of cold baths and breathwork. Training your cardiovascular system means training your ‘Johnson’ or thermoregulatory system (women need to get their reproductive systems warmed up most of the time) and a surge of energy from primordial Mr. or Ms. Lizard brain does the rest.
Jelle Steenbeek is a WHM Instructor. He also gives lectures on transforming sexuality. You can learn more about his work here (in Dutch).